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AGING
with an
Attitude
It's Never too Soon to
Plan for the Unexpected
T
aking care of a parent is an honor.
It is a privilege. In some cultures, it
is a binding tradition. And, it can
be very fulfi lling. But it can also be very
stressful, for both the person needing
care and the caregiver. This is particularly
evident if the person you depend on to
take care of you is juggling work, family
and your care. As we age, we need to
keep in mind that taking care of an adult
is a complicated process that even money
cannot simplify. There are a number of
ways we can make it a little easier on
our loved ones.
Be honest about your health.
Don’t hide the fact that you need help
and/or have medical challenges. At
Visiting Angels, we have seen it all: a
young man in shock, not prepared to
handle the diagnosis of a grandma who
has raised him; a panicked 55- year old
who thinks Dad just “suddenly” has
problems walking; a confused, overly
stressed 42 year-old who is falling apart at
the seams trying to fi nd out how to afford
care for Mom who was in a car accident.
Being thrown into a crisis is tough. Don’t
surprise them— let them know you are
facing some challenges.
Communicate your wishes.
It is very diffi cult for a son or daughter to
initiate the conversation that will provide
them with critical information should
your health become a concern, should
you need care or worse should you pass
on. Believe it or not, most adults don’t
want to think of their parents aging, let
alone passing on! It is critical that you
have a conversation with your loved ones
about your wishes before a crisis occurs.
It will be much less stressful. Use “if this
happens” scenarios to guide you. I started
this conversation with my son, with a joke
when he was only 16 years old. I told
him, “When it is time for me to give up
driving, take the car away because I have
many sets of duplicate keys. I used that
joke to start the conversation. It was too
much for him then, but I haven’t stopped
the conversations. I am preparing him for
the inevitable…you should be doing that
for your loved ones. Remember, crises hit
people under 50 years of age too.
Be ready with the information
they may need ready.
The best time to do this is when you
don’t need help yet. Start to organize
your information now and let them know
where these documents are kept. You don’t
need to go over all the information now,
but at the very least, you must tell them
how to access the information. Here are
some things to include:
• If you are a Veteran – get on the VA
system. Let them know who you are
way before you need help. There is a
process of identifi cation, clarifi cation
of data, etc. which could take months,
before the VA could assess qualifi cation
for benefi ts. Get in the system – a visit
to a VA doctor is the fi rst step. Go! For
your fi le, include your military infor-
mation (dates of service), military card
information, and Social Security card.
• Gather fi nancial documents are
critical to setting up care. Have
bank account information, pension
and retirement fund information, tax
returns, documentations of assets, and
insurance information in one place.
If you have long-term care insurance,
highlight this infomation in case your
sibling needs to set-up in-home care
for you. You should also provide infor-
mation about safety deposit boxes, or
keys your children may need access to.
And yes, tell them about the cash you
stashed somewhere in the house!
medical history information? Who
are your doctors? Do you have a
DNR or an Advanced Directive?
• Remember other important
information: name(s) and contact
info of lawyer(s) you work with,
along with your tax advisor,
broker(s), clergy, and even a list of
people you would like contacted
should you be taken to the hospital!
Have copies of certifi cates (marriage,
death, adoption, etc.) in case your
identity has to be verifi ed.
• Consult experts as needed. To
ensure that your plan is legally
executable and thorough– you might
want to consider consulting with an
elder care attorney, your accountant
or fi nancial advisor, and brokers.
We all want to think of aging with
gusto and style and to cruise through
life independently until it’s time to slip
into permanent unconsciousness, with
a grin on our face. But that’s just not
how life works. So, spare your loved
ones. Start with the tips in this article
and keep the planning and organizing
going. You’ve earned the right to expect
your children to take care of you,
but you also signed up to help them
navigate through life whenever possible.
This might just be the time they need
you the most. So, arm them with the
right information!
Dorie Sugay is the
Executive Director
of Visiting Angels.
She is a graduate
of and a Gilroy
Rotarian.
• Gather documentation to indicate
the type of care you wish for. Who
is your healthcare proxy? Do you have
a Living Will? Where is your personal
GILROY • MORGAN HILL • SAN MARTIN
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2018
gmhtoday.com
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