manners MATTER
BY KAREN LA CORTE
When You've Messed Up
98
W
e’ve all been there. The forgotten lunch
date, the meeting that was on the
calendar —but on the wrong Tuesday,
the party that started at five and not at seven. We
feel horrible. It’s a huge mistake. These are our
friends, our colleagues, or worse-our boss! And we
totally missed the commitment!
What can we do to express how sincerely sorry
we are that we messed up? Is saying we are sorry
enough, or must we follow up with a card, flowers
or a gift? It’s not that we just missed the appointment
or meeting, but that we kept someone or a group
waiting for us. Maybe even depending on us for a
report or a presentation. Or even worse, maybe it’s
dear Aunt Betty who waited all day for us to show
up to the rest home!
Sometimes we realize it within minutes. Other
times we receive the dreaded phone call asking
where we are and if we are coming to the meeting at
all. This can be totally embarrassing. The only way
to make ourselves feel better is to know that we’ve
been forgiven by the folks we’ve offended.
A good friend of mine in Alabama once waited
for over an hour at a restaurant for a business lunch
after driving for two hours to the meeting point.
There had been a miscommunication that the
meeting had been postponed to a different date and
time. When my friend called her colleague to ask his
whereabouts, he felt so horrible about the mix-up
that he had a dozen roses waiting for her when she
got back to her office. The next time they were to
meet for that business lunch, he emailed her the day
before and texted her the morning of the scheduled
meeting just to make sure that they were both going
to be there. He not only bought lunch but arrived
with another bouquet of roses.
These embarrassing mistakes can be especially
tough to accept when you pride yourself on being a
responsible and punctual person. That said we need
to give ourselves a break every now and then and
forgive ourselves for our absent-minded mistakes,
learn from them and move on. The busier we are
and the more challenges we face opens us up to
human error.
Our apologies are key in being forgiven. Being
truthful and sincere goes a long way. And it isn’t just
the forgotten appointment that plagues us, but being
late is also rude and disrupting to everyone involved.
If you are late to a meeting, either everyone has
waited for your arrival to start, or you may be
GILROY • MORGAN HILL • SAN MARTIN
disrupting the meeting already in progress. Everyone then
must thenstop, and get you caught up on what you have
missed. If you are late to a hair appointment for instance,
you may make the stylist late for all the other clients after
you. Chronic lateness is inexcusable and disrespectful.
It is bad manners. Get it together and develop a plan to
be on time. Try to be fifteen minutes early to everything.
Set an alarm on your phone. Set an alert to remind you
the day before and a few hours before the commitment.
No appointment, lunch date, interview or meeting is too
trivial to not take seriously. Can you imagine being late
for that important job interview?
The sincerest apologies are the ones that are most
readily accepted. If you’re a “no show” at a wedding
reception for example, the hosts are really going to
be upset. The hosts will have to pay for your plate or
plates anyway. The empty seats at your table will not go
unnoticed either. Telephoning your hosts is in order. They
have the right to be furious, but a sincere apology by
phone or in person is the right plan of action. A note of
apology accompanied by flowers or a gift is also accept-
able. And, the sooner you know you won’t be able to make
the wedding the better for letting the hosts know. Doctors,
dentists and some attorneys penalize us by getting into our
pocket-books and charging a “no show” fee. I’m sure the
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