WORSHIPTEAMCOACH
10 WAYS TO ABSOLUTELY DESTROY YOUR WORSHIP TEAM
Dear Awesome Worship Leader,
•
Makes a suggestion to change the
a playground for your musical genius. You’ll
arrangement = believes you’re a lousy
discover how to...
Thanks for your interest in our new online
worship leader and is secretly vying for
•
course, 10 Steps To Dismantle Your Worship
your job
EVERY time it’s scheduled.
Team Before You Move on To A Larger Church
That Pays More.
Create a different arrangement of a song
MODULE 4:
How to Test the Commitment of Your Team Members
•
Change keys at the last minute.
•
Introduce a new song every week (and make
sure most are ones you’ve written)
Below is a description of each of the ten training
In this module, you’ll learn several strategies
modules. We believe this coaching course will
and tactics to see just how committed your
And don’t miss out on the bonus training video in
benefit you as you work to demoralize your
team is. Here are some examples:
this session: How To Change The Arrangement
team at Trendy Metaphor Community Church.
•
During Sunday Morning Soundcheck.
Run rehearsals over by 45 minutes. Every
week.
MODULE 1:
•
How to Guilt People Into Practicing More
In this session, you’ll learn to say spiritualsounding things like, “You know, Jesus died
•
on the cross for you. Don’t you think you
can practice a little for him?” It’s a powerful
motivation, and it helps people embrace that
wonderful theology of salvation-by-works.
•
Don’t give them the set list until the day
MODULE 7:
before rehearsal. Then change two of the five
How to Command Perfectionism
songs before Sunday.
You’ll learn that when it comes to helping
Have a master list of over 200 songs that you
people avoid any musical mistakes, laughter is
might choose from. But don’t feel limited to
the best medicine. As is, laugh at them when
that list either.
they mess up. Unless it’s during the worship
Change
rehearsal
nights
frequently
to
accommodate your coffeehouse and wine
service; then roll your eyes and shake your
head in frustration.
bar gigs.
MODULE 2:
Bonus Video: How To Have a Favorite Team
How to Treat Your Tech Team as “The Help”
Bonus Tip Sheet: You’ll also learn 21 techniques
This session will teach you how to issue
to question the commitment level of any team
authoritarian commands to your techs through
member who complains about these issues.
Member Whose Mistakes Go Unnoticed.
MODULE 8:
Making Your Team Look as Hip as Possible
your SM58. You’ll learn how to eliminate
words like “please” and “thank you” from
MODULE 5:
In this training session, you’ll learn how to make
your vocabulary (unless you’re using them
How to Burnout Team Members (Without Them
your platform look amazing on IMAG (and in the
sarcastically). You’ll also learn how to train each
Quitting)
liner photos of your next independently-released
of your vocalists to ask for “more me” in the
This session is all about scheduling people
worship album). To do this, you’ll learn how to
monitor at least 14 times during a rehearsal...
as many Sundays in a row as they’ll let you.
create an application and audition system that
and then blame the incompetent tech for their
Why? It makes the scheduling process so
disqualifies anyone who might be overweight,
lousy monitor mix.
much easier for you. You’ll learn that most
church people just can’t say no, especially
MODULE 3:
the musicians. So use that (and them) to your
How to Assume the Worst in Your Team Members
advantage by scheduling them every week for
You’ll discover how to jump to conclusions,
the foreseeable future.
continued on 53
project your insecurities onto your team
members, and believe the absolute worst about
You’ll also learn how to use subtle manipulation
them. This session comes with a handy guide
should one of them get so bold as to ask for
for interpreting typical worship team behavior.
a week off. These techniques will allow you to
Here are few examples from that:
grant the week off in such a way that they’ll feel
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too guilty to ever do it again.
Shows up late = Total slacker and
uncommitted to the team
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Forgets charts at home = Idiot
MODULE 6:
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Calls in sick with the stomach flu = Liar
How to Satisfy Your Own Creative Whims
(or just extremely inconsiderate)
You’ll learn how to make every Sunday setlist
38
May June 2016
WorshipMusician.com
JON NICOL
35 year veteran of the
worship technology arena
with a passion for excellence
balanced by the knowledge
digital is a temporary state.
WorshipTeamCoach.com