Just like …
RIDING A BIKE?
WARNER’S CORNER
DAVE WARNER
Star 102.7
When it comes to vital organs, you
don’t get a whole lot more vital than
the heart. We’re pretty rooted without
it. As would be the euphemism for
generosity and love. ‘She has such a
beautiful liver’; That doesn’t work. I
‘Kidney’ Cairns t-shirts and bumper
stickers; yeah … nah.
When it was suggested I ride a pushbike
from Cairns to Cooktown, the idea was
about as appealing as slamming my
genitals in a car door, but I, along with
hundreds of other lycra clad humans,
accepted the Cardiac Challenge, as it
raises money for cardiac services here
in Cairns.
The last time I threw my leg over a
pushie, Nicole Kidman was starring
in BMX Bandits and Mum had to dab
Dettol on my skinned knee following a
failed bunnyhop over two side-by-side
Tonka trucks.
And I know riding a bike is just like,
well, riding a bike - you never forget,
but jeez the rules of engagement have
changed a bit.
when hair is removed, it was a surprise
to me to learn that I actually have calf
muscles.
Then there’s the riding clobber. I never
For 330km, I straddled the equivalent thought I’d be a MAMIL, that Middle
Aged Man In Lycra. There is absolutely
of a butter knife, such is the design of
nowhere to hide in that fabric
the seat on today’s road bike. It
which screams “Hi my
ain’t no Lazy-Boy recliner and
name’s Dave; I have a
a bloke certainly feels it in
FOR 330KM, I
small penis”. Betrayed
his Potsdamer Platz - that
STRADDLED THE
by a pair of pants,
no-mans land between
EQUIVALENT OF
whose only crime was
your Jatz crackers and
A BUTTER KNIFE,
to tell the truth.
SUCH IS THE DESIGN
your freckle.
OF THE SEAT ON
Here’s another ugly
I also had my legs waxed
TODAY’S ROAD BIKE.
truth:
Far North
for the ride, because that’s
Queensland
towns
claim
what athletes *cough* do.
the numbers 1, 2, 3 and 4
Oh, and it helped raise a bit more
spots in the Top 5 list for highest
coin for the cause.
rates of heart attack in Australia; and
Here’s a tip for young colts, you know we have a hospital that services an
how if you trim downstairs it can make area 1.5 times the size of Victoria.
a certain body part appear larger?
Same goes for the muscles in your legs So would I do it again? In a heartbeat.
The soundtrack to your
work day with the
!
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20 So
8
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