Encouraging M indfulness
in Children
|by Monisha Vasa, M.D.
Can we actually teach our children how to be
mindful? Or are we just trying to preserve the
inherent consciousness that they already seem
to have? In other words--is mindfulness truly
taught, or is it just “unlearned” over time?
I remember watching my children eat when
they were four or five years old. If given a
cookie, they would turn the cookie delicately
over and over in their hands. They would
study the texture and composition with their
eyes. They might inhale the chocolaty scent.
All before taking a single bite. And when they
started to eat, they would savor each mouthful, thoroughly enjoying themselves. And the
most amazing thing--when their tummies
were full, they would put the cookie down and
move on, not feeling compelled to continue
eating if they were no longer hungry.
I find that young children often already have
the inherent knowledge of how to live mindfully—it’s often simply what they do without
knowing any differently. They linger on their
walks, observing the flowers, turning over
rocks, running when their bodies feel like accelerating, spinning around when their hearts
feel like turning.
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But these days, when I take them on walks, I
am aware of the homework that needs to be
completed, or bedtime looming. I urge them
to hurry. I start to accelerate in my head. If
we don’t get back home in time, we won’t fin-
ish dinner and homework in time. If dinner
and homework don’t get done, bedtime will
be delayed. If we miss our window of opportunity for bedtime, they won’t fall asleep.
If they don’t fall asleep, they won’t wake up
in time for school. If we are late for school, I
will be late for work. And so on and so forth
until I am spinning into the catastrophic
implications for the next day, rather than being present for the walk that we are on in the
here and now. With the tension in my body
and my rushed voice, I put a screeching halt
to searching for roly-polys and blowing the
dandelions.
Of course we have to balance our mindfulness
practices with the logistical needs of day to
day life. But I realize I often start to fall into a
pattern of hurrying them when hurrying isn’t
necessary, rushing them when we have time.
Part of this frantic pace is because our kids are
often over-scheduled or over-committed. Part
of this rushing comes from feeling frazzled
ourselves, and projecting that onto our kids.
So these days, my goal isn’t necessarily to
teach my kids how to be mindful. It’s to get
myself out of their way. I try to allow them
time to play. To explore. To rest. To breathe.
To just be.
It is not easy as they get older, and they are
pulled in multiple directions, as are we. It often feels like we are juggling a million balls in
the air at once and they are all about to come