gmhTODAY 29 gmhTODAY Jan March 2020 | Page 78

AUTHOR ' S corner Jordan Rosenfeld Jordan is the author of four writing guides and three novels. Her articles have been published in such places as: Alternet, The Atlantic, Marin Magazine, the New York Times, the Petaluma Magazine, Salon, the San Francisco Chronicle, the Washington Post and many more. Erica Layne: In 2011, Morgan Hill author Erica Layne felt overwhelmed in her life. Managing a building of 53 units, with two young children, while living in a small unit herself made her feel claustrophobic, she said. Something had to give. She’d already been blogging about living intentionally and with purpose but now she knew it was time to put that into practice in all aspects of her life. She started with decluttering her physical space, giving away all the stuff they didn’t use or need. But then she took it further. “I started reducing my commitments. I started saying no more and tried to focus on the things that mattered most.” She continued blogging about her process, and developed a following of “overwhelmed women trying to find more focus, peace and self-acceptance in their lives,” she said. Then, a publisher reached out asking if she wanted to write about minimalism as a lifestyle, not just a decluttering technique. The result is her book, entitled The Minimalist Way: Minimalism Strategies to Declutter Your Life and Make Room for Joy. In the book she defines minimal- ism as “the privilege of building a life based on your values,” emphasizing that physical stuff is only one element. She recommends that people who are overwhelmed “start inside before [they] go outside” though she acknowledges that not everybody operates that way. To do this, she says, “Define your top three personal values. Once you have those defined you can run all other choices through those values.” For example, if one of your family values is “connection” then you might go through a closet full of items and ask if they foster connection—say board 78 games, or not. This can help you make better choices. To keep the minimalism process do-able she suggests setting a timer for ten minutes and tackling just one little area at a time, such as a junk drawer or a closet. “When the timer rings, you’re done, guilt free. But if you want to do another ten minutes, you can set the timer again,” she says. From there, she takes her approach into relationships, recommending that people do a “relationship inventory.” As she describes it, “A minimalist approach is choosing to invest in those best relationships that build you up and allow you to build up others. Steer clear of toxic relationships.” Her method appeals to busy, over- whelmed people—largely women, though there are some men in her Life on Purpose Movement. Women seem to be particularly prone to “mental load,” she explains. “Soccer schedules, who needs what shoe size, work commit- ments, what email to send, all that info that really wears on us.” She has adapted her book into a 7-week online course called “Declutter Your Life” that teaches her participants how to decrease this mental load through a process she itemizes as: “Eliminate, delegate, table, do.” Participants also work on eliminating “emotional clutter,” which she defines as “reoccurring negative thoughts you have about yourself, your life, or others.” She finds that by identifying them, and then pushing back on them, “You can find better feeling alternatives to those thoughts.” She gives an example of the negative thought: “Nobody cares about me.” She acknowledges that a person is unlikely GILROY • MORGAN HILL • SAN MARTIN WINTER 2020 The Minimalist Way to make a complete transformation from that thought to: “Everybody adores me,” so instead they can take small steps toward better feeling thoughts. “You can tell yourself ‘I care about myself and my family sees me,’ something that feels true.” Then you practice it: write it down every day, say it in the mirror, repeat it in your head. “Your brain starts to carve a new pathway instead of the old one you do on default,” she says. Though she takes her minimalist approach seriously in her home and family, she is not militant about it. “I just try to hold space for my kids to be who they are, but also ask them to follow the general family values.” Their family purpose statement, which they wrote together is, “Seek beauty and adventure, be brave and kind, do hard things, and live with vision.” You can’t discuss minimalism without talking about Marie Kondo, the celebrity of the form. When asked what makes her approach different, Layne explains, “Marie Kondo’s is an all-in, no-holds- barred approach. Remake your life in one week and never turn back. My approach is more sustainable and more of a long game. I think you need to do the internal work in tandem with the external work.” gmhtoday.com