Jordan Rosenfeld
AUTHOR ' S corner
Jordan is the author of four writing guides and three novels. Her articles
have been published in such places as: Alternet, The Atlantic, Marin
Magazine, the New York Times, the Petaluma Magazine, Salon, the
San Francisco Chronicle, the Washington Post and many more.
Diane King:
Rebuilding After Loss
W
hat was supposed to be a
joyous night, two and a half
years ago, for Diane King,
a Morgan Hill nurse, turned out to be
one of the worst nights of her life. Her
husband of 24 years, Marty, passed
away on the evening of his 60 th birthday.
Unable to believe that the man with
the “command presence” who made
friends easily was gone, grief sideswiped
her. Denial was the fi rst emotion to grip
her. She’d planned to grow old with
him. She’d lost her travel partner, her
baking companion, her confi dante and
best friend so suddenly she barely had
time to realize what had happened.
She soon turned to journaling to
process her feelings and to record
memories of the man who’d had such a
big impact on her life. From there, she
began to envision writing a book that
might help other people go through the
grief journey. She published her book,
“You’ve Got This,” this year, she said,
because “I feel that when situations like
this happen, there’s no training for it, no
class on how to deal with grief.”
By writing the book, she hoped it
might offer some comfort to others.
The book combines a series of
reminiscences and personal stories
about her life with Marty with short
questions for the reader to consider,
such as:
If you could share your gratitude
now, what would you say to your
loved one? Or, There are many forms
of grief support offered locally within
most communities, such as hospital
programs, church/spiritual programs,
social media platforms, weekly website
e-mails, blog spots and friends/family.
Have you reached out to any of these?
If not, why?
What she hopes readers will take
away from the book: “Things will be
okay, just keep putting one foot in front
the other.”
She admitted, “You have to force
yourself to do things that are part of
healing.” For her this includes yoga,
meditation, deep breathing, focusing on
the good that she can do, and helping
others. “It’s easy to slip into where you
don’t want to get out of bed or leave the
house. You’ve got to keep moving.”
Similarly, she urges readers not to
deny or shelve the emotions of grief.
“Otherwise they’ll manifest in ways you
don’t want them to.” For her this meant
breaking down in tears in places where
it was not useful to her.
Another helpful habit in the wake
of Marty’s death, which she recom-
mends to others, is to keep up some
of the activities that you participated
in with your partner or loved one. She
still takes her coffee out on the porch
to watch the hummingbirds; she still
makes his renowned homemade salsa,
and other dishes of his; and she keeps
in touch with his circle of friends.
“We had a big circle of friends and
they told me ‘We’ll stay in touch,’ and
they have,” she said. She tries to make
an effort when they invite her out,
rather than giving in to the urge to hide
at home.
She’s also helped along by spending
time with her family, including two
daughters and six grandchildren who
range in age from eight months to nine
years.
While she is still sad, two and a half
GILROY • MORGAN HILL • SAN MARTIN
FALL/HOLIDAY 2019
years later, she
has surprised
herself with
her strength
and her abil-
ity to adapt
to this new
life. No longer able to rely
upon him for home repairs and cooking
certain meals, she said, “I stood strong
and got through it.”
She’s trained herself to have an
agenda every day. “It’s really easy to slip
back and not want to leave the house.
But there hasn’t been one day I didn’t
get out of bed. Sometimes you have to
force yourself.”
She also accepts people’s offers of
help and invitations to go out. “It’s easy
to stay in your comfort zone but it’s
important to get out.”
Grief never completely leaves you,
but she said “The pain eases over time.”
She also feels that he’s still with her,
and makes his presence known. He
used to tease her about how sensitive
she was to the chili's that went into his
famous salsa recipe. After his death, she
was making that recipe, and went into
a coughing jag. She looked back at the
clock and it said 1:43. “When we fi rst
met he would page me that: 143, for ‘I
love you.’” I said out loud, “You really
think you’re funny.”
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