10
BETTER LIVING
Celebrating
Life’s Changes
STORY BY JANE BUTLER
How using Ceremony to Communicate and Relate
with Life’s Ups and Downs can help with Transition.
As a Coach who deals with ‘Life’ I have
noticed a common theme that reinforces
my link between life’s transitions, troubles
and change!
Ritual is an integral part of tribal life,
religious and community groups because
they recognise the significant impact that
change can have on oneself and others.
By ‘naming the ghost’ i.e. giving tangible
recognition to whatever person or
organisation is experiencing change, those
who are impacted, by that change, are
alerted to adapt and adjust their response.
They may do this through change in their
attitude or adjustment of their behaviour.
The family or support crew can then
identify the impact this change may have
on them to provide a sympathetic and
reassuring response that is positively
contributory and helpful. This dilutes the
potential for negative reaction and entitles
the protagonist to reach a position of
empowerment and validation. Otherwise
there is a risk of undermining it through
lack of recognition for their change-
experience.
Each life-journey is unique. When we
understand the ‘How’ and ‘Why’ of the
situation presented, we can make ourselves
available for support, and recognise in
ourselves, the ‘Who’ and ‘What’ we were
in this person’s life, is now different. Take
for example when ones children leave
home - they may be excited to transition
to adulthood. However, parents may feel
bereft with an empty nest as we see them
look forward to life away from us. What
a rub this can be! For others, it can be
exciting to be parents who are now free to
become more self-focused. It is the young
who struggle with their transition of leaving
and realising their adult role in a new
singlehood environment. It cuts both ways.
Jane has extensive experience as a coach,
facilitator and mediator; enabling her to
manage different styles and expectations
from a variety of situations presented where
sensitivity and respect for all parties is
paramount. Her coaching background assists
people to participate confidently and allows
self-representation in ceremony when under
stress. For more information on these elements
please visit www.outoftherut.co.nz
Recommended Read: William Bridge: ‘Transitions’
Ceremony enables people to recognise,
understand and adapt to transitions and
situational change. Ceremonies help us
‘ride-the-wave’ of potential fall-out that
can result from many a metamorphosis
through our life’s journey.
Traditionally, marking birth, marriage and
death has been our norm. I’ve learned that
there is no end to the Rituals we can create
for the transitions and experiences which
happen throughout our lifetimes.
By way of congruent story-telling and
consistent reflection of the threads of
individual lives, a tapestry is woven
to celebrate those involved. To create
something memorable is to pay tribute to
the occasion and is a privilege.
Life is full of potential occasions and times
of change that may force us to close one
door and create a new beginning for the
next chapter of our lives. Here is a taste of
just some of the occasions:
• Birth
• Naming
• Adulthood
• Engagement
• Marriage
• Elopement
• Vow Renewal/Endings • New Beginnings
• Thanksgiving
• Moving
• Blessings
• Birthdays
• Career
• Crossroads
• Promotion
• Retirement.
• Love
• Loss
• Life Narratives
• Living
• Funerals
• Catastrophe
• Survival
• Dying
• Burial / Cremation
• Memorials
• Any ‘turning point’ imaginable!
Intrigued by the influence of life’s changes
and the wilderness between transitions
arising from these experiences, I now
understand the importance and validity
of celebrating change. I have enjoyed
facilitating a variety of Rituals for people
either for an individual or intimate
gathering, or for something larger or
community-based.
We secure an ending, before we can create
a new beginning, or, as Andre Gide says,
“We cannot discover new oceans unless
we have the courage to lose sight of the
shore.”
When life has delivered what seems like
a never-ending series of struggles and
calamities, it is wonderful to bring together
family and friends to celebrate the end of
a dour chapter where we may have been
stuck for some time. Ceremony enables
that person to realise their hard-won
achievements and celebrate the joy and
opportunity of new beginnings. With the
support and friendship that brought them
to this place it gives them their ‘mojo’ back.
Be thinking about occasions you could
mark with ceremony in 2019 that stands
outside the traditional. What would
be fun? For whom could you make a
difference? What would bring your family
and friends or local community together
to celebrate, connect and achieve a shared
purpose?
It would be my privilege to guide and assist
you with any occasion to be celebrated.
Check out my website for further
information: Let’s Talk!
[email protected]
021 732 230
www.jbcelebrant.co.nz
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