Ways to enjoy parenthood
Cut Yourself Some Slack
GILROY • MORGAN HILL • SAN MARTIN
august/september 2019
Sources:
Headley, Megan, “How to Be Present and Really
Enjoy Kids”, A Fine Parent, afineparent.com/
mindful-parenting/how-to-be-present.html
Angela, “How Your Brain Stops You From Enjoy-
ing Motherhood—and How to Fix It”, Happy
You Happy Family, happyyouhappyfamily.com/
enjoying-motherhood/
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Throughout your parenting journey
there will defi nitely be times that are
harder to enjoy than others. During
the tantrums, the battles to eat or go
to bed, you may want to be anywhere
else. If you view their acting out as a
way of expressing themselves and not
simply as an attempt to defy or upset
you, it makes those times a little easier
to accept. For younger children espe-
cially, it helps to remember that much
of what they’re experiencing is for the
fi rst time and so they have a harder time
regulating their emotions. Viewing the
worst tantrums your child throws as a
way of testing limits can make it a bit
easier to accept. Try focusing on what
your child is accomplishing by acting
out—learning your boundaries.
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Accept the Bad Times
Practicing mindfulness and being
present isn’t a switch that you can turn
on and suddenly enjoy every moment
of parenting forever after. Like most
good things, it takes intention and
commitment to enjoy parenthood.
The more time you take to breathe in
the sights, sounds, and smells of your
kids, the easier it will be to find those
incandescent moments when you
love being a parent. In fact, parents
who use these tricks report that they
feel like they have more time in their
days, which is an invaluable gift in our
stressed out, fast paced world.
Parents these days are under a lot of
pressure to be perfect. Every move
their children make needs to be
monitored and their kids’ schedules
need to be packed with extracurricular
or educational activities. Some
structure and supervision is essential,
Even children who can’t crawl yet
somehow manage to make mountains of
mess. When you see your child playing
in the mud or smearing spaghetti every-
where, your fi rst instinct may be to
think of the clothes you’ll have to wash
or the stains you might need to get out,
but being a more present parent means
being more forgiving of those messes.
It helps to remember that your child is
still learning about the world around
her and part of that learning process
is smearing dirt and food everywhere.
Take a deep breath and try to appreciate
the delight it gives her to experience
this new tactile sensation. At the end of
the day, the dirty clothes and the mess
always sort themselves out without
worrying about them in advance.
To truly hold onto the present, it helps
to write it down. Writing has a way of
helping us relive a moment and keep it
in our memory banks. Pick a moment
that you’d like to hold on to and write
it down at the end of the day. It could
be something that made you laugh or
think or even something that made you
angry. When you set the intention of
writing down a moment, you’re more
likely to notice the little things that you
want to hold onto throughout the day.
The more you think, “this is a moment
I want to hold on to”, the more you
stay in the present.
Our brains are wired for survival.
They keep us going even under
extreme stress, such as the round-
the-clock job of caring for children.
This means that we can feed our
kids, change dirty diapers, and get
day-to-day tasks done without really
thinking about them. Being on parent
autopilot can help us stay produc-
tive, but we’re not really “awake” or
intentionally engaged in enjoying
parenthood. It keeps us in a state of
survival mode, which makes it easier
for us to notice the negatives of our
environment rather than the positives.
As a result, we’re more reactive, tuned
out, and stressed. We spend so much
time worrying about messes and
routines that we miss those precious
little moments that only happen once.
In order to be a more present parent,
the fi rst thing we can do is recognize
when we’re on parent auto-pilot and
focus on the little things happening
right now.
Mind the Mess Less
Keep a Memory Log
Ditch the Parent Auto-pilot
but excessive amounts can be a huge
disservice to both you and your child’s
mental well-being. Try to step back and
see where the day takes you. It might
make your parenting experience more
pleasurable and be more benefi cial for
your child.
S
ince you fi rst became a parent,
you’ve probably gotten the
“enjoy them while they’re
young” advice from dozens of people.
You’ve probably also wondered how
exactly you’re supposed to enjoy the
three a.m. shrieking, the meltdowns
at the store, and the explosive messes
of every kind. While it’s impossible to
enjoy every minute of being a parent,
being more present in the parenting
process does help you slow down and
appreciate it more. Here are some
tricks on how to do it.
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